Then friends, now friends

When I was in highschool, I was close with a group of about 15 people. I was especially close with about 5 of them. We hung out a lot, laughed a lot, had numerous inside jokes, and even occasionally shared important conversations.

I thought "these are friends I will never lose."

It is less than four years since I graduated from highschool, and I have not seen one of my close highschool friends in at least two and a half years. I have spoken with only two of them in the last year, and that only on facebook. I attempted to make plans with one of them, but it just never worked out.

I sometimes read the facebook pages of those I used to be close with and wish I was still a part of their lives.

It's my fault, really. At least partly. It certainly has some to do with moving away for school when most of my friends stayed at home. But it also has to do with making my family the ultimate priority when I am at home. It has to do with being too lazy to make an intense effort to see these old friends again.

I just spent a night with some of my friends from college. This year has been difficult in that we have had much less time to spend with each other. Tonight, though, many people were there that had not been around for a long time. We all laughed together and even shared some important conversations. Despite not being together all the time, we are able to be the friends we have always been. This is incredible to me.

And I am terrified.

I am so worried that I will graduate and not see or speak with these closest friends of mine again. I regret so much not being close with my highschool friends anymore. I don't want to regret the same thing with the friends that I have now.

I'm not going to be lazy. I don't care if we're all living all over the world.

I wonder if, were I to have an opportunity to be with my highschool friends again, we would be able to be the friends we always were.

I pray with fervent prayers that I never lose my friends now.

Derailing the motivation train

Today I was under the impression that I had quite a bit to get done. Because of this, I began working on my papers, readings, and general homework items as soon as I got back from my morning class.

I worked for perhaps three hours straight, getting much of my to-do list finished. Unfortunately, I still had some left even after working diligently for so long.

I took a break for lunch, intending to get back to work right afterwards.

Well, about that.

After lunch I was unable to do any work. Now, I do not mean that I had some trouble with motivation. No, no, no. I could not do any more work. I tried. I failed. No more work for me.

I spent the afternoon doing useless things instead of getting things done.

This happens all too often.

Well, what do you do? Me, I just give up after a while. Then, I redouble my effort for the next day, which leads to another afternoon of nothingness.

It's a vicious cycle.

The registrar hates me

I have spent the last week or so gearing up to start studying so I can take the Biology exemption exam. I need to test out because there is not a single intro level Bio course that will fit my schedule next semester. If I don't take it next semester, I don't graduate in May. So I'm going to test out instead.

But guess what? There might be a Bio course that fits my schedule because my favorite class for next semester was just cancelled. Huzzah. This is the third time in as many terms that I've had a class cancelled that I had been really excited for.

Seriously. The registrar does not want me to enjoy my classes. Or graduate. Or anything.

Speaking of graduating. Holy. Shit.

I'm going to graduate in 6 months, 18 days and 34 minutes. And then I get to attempt to fit into the real world. Wow.

Or maybe I'll just go to more school and delay the real world for as long as possible.

My versions of tired

I go through phases of being tired.

Here's how it works for me:

Initial feelings of being tired - If I didn't get much sleep the night before, or it is getting close to the end of my waking hours, I will begin to feel tired. This generally means that I will move slower, yawn a lot and perhaps start to lose focus. This is when I should go to sleep (or take a nap).

One hour later - If I neglect to go to sleep or take a nap, I will start staring off into the distance in the middle of what I am doing. I will also begin to doze off (especially while reading).

One hour later - Usually I will do something about being tired by this point, but if I cannot or do not want to, I will make some efforts to keep myself awake. This might mean drinking a lot of caffeine, eating a lot of sugar, or running around my apartment with my vuvuzela.

One hour later - After I have indulged on caffeine, I will become slightly insane. Everything is funnier. I am louder (and also funnier). Focus is impossible at this point. I cannot hold a reasonable conversation. I may start a conversation with someone, drift away, come back and say "What? I'm sorry, I was thinking about elephants. Is that the Millenium Falcon??? No, it's a toaster." Then I will laugh uncontrollably for a few moments (repeat).

One hour later - If I get this far, I am beyond hope. If you hand me an object, I will drop it. If you say anything to me, I will stare at you in confusion as though I have never heard words before.

One hour later - EMOTIONS. I am either laughing or sobbing uncontrollably. I may start to tell you a story about some minor incident that happened when I was four years old and how it ruined my entire life.

One hour later - Practically comatose, trying to stay awake while likely lying in the middle of the floor without moving. I may attempt to have some input in whatever is going on, but it will be something along the lines of "crabapples funny, your face my hungry trains."

One hour later - Either finally asleep (whether intentional or not) or dead.

You again?

As I embark on my senior year in college, one thing I've noticed with increasing frequency is the amount of people around me that are in serious dating relationships, getting engaged, and getting married.

Everyone is pairing off.

Everyone.

...

Why?

As I was discussing this phenomenon this evening with some other single ladies one of them brought up the alarming possibility of waking up next to the same person for the rest of your life.

We talked about how there would have to be some days that you woke up and thought "Damn. You again?"

I don't feel qualified to make a decision like that at this point in my life. Granted, it's been a long time since I've come upon a man I'd be willing to spend more than a few hours with, much less the rest of my life. I suppose that if I ever meet someone that I can tolerate for longer than my usual upper limit I'll know it's love.

I'll ask him to marry me immediately (of course).

Why do people get married so young?