What we make of it

I have had a kind of defeatist attitude of late about many things.

I am not going to enjoy this semester.

I won't ever get married and I will be lonely my entire life.

No one is going to care about my birthday.

I'll never be able to pay my parents back.

I won't get a job when I graduate.

I will never see this person or that person again.

I'm not usually a pessimist, so this is somewhat alarming. I need to find something new and exciting to become involved in. I need to regain my passion for life and all of the things that I know I will accomplish.

I am going to set a goal for tomorrow that seems very difficult to attain, and I am going to meet it. I am starting a list of goals I want to complete by the end of the semester. I am sick of feeling like this is all pointless.

It's not. There's a point.

Derailing the motivation train

Today I was under the impression that I had quite a bit to get done. Because of this, I began working on my papers, readings, and general homework items as soon as I got back from my morning class.

I worked for perhaps three hours straight, getting much of my to-do list finished. Unfortunately, I still had some left even after working diligently for so long.

I took a break for lunch, intending to get back to work right afterwards.

Well, about that.

After lunch I was unable to do any work. Now, I do not mean that I had some trouble with motivation. No, no, no. I could not do any more work. I tried. I failed. No more work for me.

I spent the afternoon doing useless things instead of getting things done.

This happens all too often.

Well, what do you do? Me, I just give up after a while. Then, I redouble my effort for the next day, which leads to another afternoon of nothingness.

It's a vicious cycle.