I'm judging you

I am realizing more often lately how many snap judgments people make of each other. I am noticing this very clearly in myself. Based on one piece of information about someone, I will quickly do one of two things. I will either a) give them a pat label, or b) determine several other things about them that I am certain are true (whether or not they actually are).

Here are some examples:

1. I was recently looking through some photos a friend of mine took for someone's senior photo shoot. This person apparently loves reading, so the photo shoot took place in the library. When I read that piece of information, I judged the person positively. When I saw the photos, however, I noticed that Twilight was among the stack of books this person posed with. I immediately determined that this person was hopelessly annoying and completely delusional. Also, it is not actually necessary for me to say that this person is a girl. Obvious, right?

2. I was at a restaurant where music is loudly played and the cooks sing along loudly. Most of the patrons smile, sometimes sing along quietly. There was one girl who was singing loudly and dancing while waiting in line. Immediately I labelled her "dumb, obnoxious teenager." When a Ke$ha song (which I hate) came on, she squealed "this is my song!" My first thought was "Oh, big surprise." Now she is "dumb, obnoxious teenager who likes awful music."

3. I have this thing about language. I try to be very precise in my speech personally, so I struggle when others are not very precise. One example which bothers me on other levels as well as a linguistic one is when people use the term "mankind" in reference to all people. Whenever this happens I will always mutter "humanity" under my breath in correction (or say it aloud, depending on the circumstance). Along with this slight rebellion, I will label the offender either "ignorant" or "chauvinist" (the label used depends on a number of factors).

We all do things like this. Why are stereotypes so much easier? Perhaps it is simpler than really trying to get to know someone. It could have to do with our unwillingness to face our intolerance head on. The most interesting thing about stereotypes, to me, is how desperate we are to fit into them. We tend to be very clear about which group or label we want to fall under, and when we fail to do so, we have failed our identities, failed ourselves.

Or, radically, we could just be ourselves and try harder to accept others as who they are as well.

Orange Soup

I am a very easily irritated person.

Conversations sometimes irritate me. I like to say that I have a low tolerance for inanity, but perhaps I am just uninterested in other people.

Improper drivers irritate me. This is normal, of course, as I believe that I am the only capable driver on the road.

Squeals, screams, yells, and other loud noises (especially without proper warning) irritate me. This, again, is normal as I would appreciate not losing my hearing.

What irritates me perhaps more than anything else, though, is loud eating.

I know someone who has not yet learned to chew with their mouth closed. I glower at them until they notice, growl "chew with your mouth closed," then attempt to go on with my business.

I have had far too many experiences where people are eating normally, but there is no background noise available to drown out the sound. I want to scream "EAT QUIETER!" but I know that this is socially unacceptable.

Today, I had an experience with someone eating carrots. They were eating carrots relatively normally, but they were eating carrots. Many of them. Carrots piled up on the plate as though there was some kind of carrot eating contest and they are in training. I could not really leave the room, and neither could the perpetrator. For those infinite ten minutes (carrots take a long time to eat, especially twenty of them), I was near hyperventilating.

I am very easily irritated. I should work on that.

Don't touch me! No wait, do.

I have heard that a person that is touched often is generally happier. I may be making this up, but I believe that a person is "supposed" to be touched at least 17 times per day.

What qualifies as a touch?

I think pretty much anything, except it has to be deliberate.

When I first heard this, I decided that I would just go out and bump into strangers "accidentally" while grocery shopping. Of course, if I bumped into 17 strangers while walking down the produce aisle, I may just get kicked out.

Unfortunately, the person that told this to me said that it had to be deliberate.

So, if a person taps you on the shoulder to see if they can borrow a pencil, or gives you a hug, or slaps you in the face, it counts (ok, not sure about the last one).

Here's the thing. Someone has touched me maybe once today. And it was unusual.

Perhaps this theory is completely false. I'm a generally happy person. But then again, infants that are not held will die much faster, even if they are given all of the nourishment they need (this I know is true).

I think hugging is a lost art. We don't hug our friends enough. I can imagine why, though.

"Hey, I think we should hug more."

"Wait ... are you into me? I didn't know you were even gay."

That just takes you down a whole new awkward route.

"No, I'm straight, I just think we should hug more."

"Why?"

"Well, there's this--"

"OK, you're creeping me out. I'm leaving now."

So that's a little overdramatic, but you get the picture. Talking about hugging is weird.

So what to do?

The answer is obvious.

Ambush your friends with hugs. Some will appreciate it. Others will be seriously creeped out and possibly will never talk to you again.

But really, do you want to have a non-hugger as a friend?