Arsenic and Old Lace

If there is even an infinitesimal chance of you reading this, I think you should know - I miss you. And I don't get it.

Recently, a very good friend of mine really let me down. Thankfully, we were able to talk about it and mostly resolve things. There was still some tension and confusion, but it appeared, to me, that we were on track to basically go back to normal.

Recently, a very good friend of mine really really let me down. After a good conversation, I took steps in the direction of patching up whatever rifts there had been in our friendship. After a good conversation, he took steps in the direction of jettisoning our friendship.

I haven't spoken with this friend in several weeks, and I still don't know why.

And it has gotten me thinking.

As I think back through the friendships and relationships I have had in my life, most of which I have enjoyed immensely, I see a pattern. Almost every single one of my close male friends have simply stopped being my friend, often without explanation.

I am not trying to complain or go for sympathy, though I realize it may seem that way. In reality, I am bewildered. Apparently, something about me poisons friendships, and I don't have a fucking clue what it is.